The letter to my graduated friends

To all my graduated friends, congratulations! I'm so happy that you've finally completed your education! 

I hope you guys had your share of rest, if not go get some well-deserved rest for all the hard work :)

I think all my friends know that I love sharing things I love. I can’t contain it and keep it to myself. So times like this when I love God to death, I really want to share. I try to make sure that wherever glory and honour is due, I acknowledge it and share it (though not always in the same platform).

It’s been such a tough journey since graduation and I really hope this sharing will bring comfort to all searching for a job upon graduation.. Everyone’s journey gonna be different but I hope that whatever I’ll be sharing will prep you one way or another for what is to come and I can hopefully be that spiritual support for all of you xx

I guess I will begin sharing abit about my own journey. 

I love kids and many of you know that. And I wanted to go into teaching 2 years ago. So after polytechnic, the only local uni I applied to was NTU, for NIE.

I was told that it will take very long for them to respond. But I had no idea how long ‘long’ meant and all my AU and UK uni offers came. Everyone around me also kept asking me what my plan was after graduation.. 

UGH, I HATE THOSE QUESTIONS THE MOST. I was so afraid to leave my house and meet people because I know we will definitely talk about it! BUT I AM SO CLUELESS WHAT I WANT. I WAS ONLY 19, I don’t really know EXACTLY what I want. I mean I have A LOT of interests, but what decision to make EXACTLY, I’m still unsure.… honestly, how many people were actually absolutely sure what they wanted at that age!? So anyway, with all these social pressure, I got very impatient and told God I wanted to make the decision by a certain date. I remember going to my brother the night before and telling him I wanted to make a decision the next day and if he could help me and talk to me about my options. korkor can testify to this.

Long story short, I made my decision that night, still quite unsure but prayed and submitted it all unto Him. The next day, I had all my documents ready to send to Unimelb, had a chat with my dad about finances, and probably paid the deposit the very next day. It was probably 2-3 months till school term started and in the midst of the preparations, 2-3 weeks after the deposit was transferred, I got the call from NIE for an interview zzz. I was really quite disappointed and frustrated that I was so impatient and kinda made my decision in a rush, but part of me also very excited that I’m going to study abroad and I knew I prayed about it for really long. So I told God that I wouldn’t dwell too much on it, and just go since decision has been made. 

Fast forward 2 years later, I graduated unimelb with so many good memories especially having such a loving caring christian community :’) and amazing encounters with God that I would never exchange anything for. For the first time, I understood what He meant when He said He had a better plan for me :’) It was truly truly a better plan. It was the best in fact. If I knew that all these encounters and amazing people I’ve met was part of His plan, I wouldn’t even have been disappointed with the late NIE reply. 

But I still like children and had a few people tell me I should work with kids :’) So after graduation, I tried looking for a teaching position and spent a lot of time reading about it... but all of them required qualifications. I had to dismiss the thought and look into other areas that I have interest in. 

But one night, I suddenly had the thought of looking at MOE again. All along I thought teachers needed to study Bach of Education or specific subjects (like Bach of English Literature, Mathematics, etc.) and I refused to do another bach degree... But that night I saw an opening for postgrad without 3 years of studies. It was contract -> 1 year course -> 3 years bond. So I got so excited and primary school teachers could be from any majors!!! Prayed about it and went ahead to apply with no intention of informing anyone else about the application. I wanted it to be between me and God.

But slowly I met people who were interested in teaching and one even applied too. So I couldn’t help but share with people around me about this. I went for the interview and was asked to wait 4-5 weeks for updates. Around that time, I was really close to God, I spend every night reading and receiving words of encouragement regarding all my concerns about this application. I really looked forward to every “date night” with Him. It felt like He was romancing with me and giving me gifts & flowers at the end of every tiring day - my twitter friends know 😉 Not just that, all the christian instagrammers I follow seem to have a word that resonated with me so well, like srsly as if they were all in the same circumstance as me. How’s that even possible. I was so amazed how He strategically placed them in my life. gasp.

4-5 weeks of wait was SO tiring, it was the worst. I started doubting myself, doubting Him, having ALL sort of fears. The test of time was really damn tough. To hear and trust that He spoke, and put all your hope in what you think He promised specifically. Initially God was speaking to me and confirming me about this application every. single. day. But later, He became really silent about it and I was so spiritually dry (even though I still do my quiet time daily - abit ironic but true) 😢 Every day and night, I battle with inadequacy, with the overwhelming thoughts of responsibility, with uncertainty and confidence that He really spoke, with pride because I hate rejection and people knowing about it. It's so tough just waiting for the fulfillment of what has been spoken 😢 When week 4 came, week 5 came, there still wasn’t any news. I really struggled emotionally and mentally despite all the encouragement I’ve read in books and everywhere else.

"You'd think that someone who has seen God do so many great things would have minimal temptation to settle for anything less... Yes, I've seen God do great things through my life. But even with all the ways I've seen Him move, I've still had my moments. I've still had my fears. I strain to believe what God has said about who I am and what He's called me to become” Steven Furtick.

It was until week 7 that I received an email of rejection.. yup.. I was rejected. At that time I really went a bit cray. Like AFTER ALL THIS WAIT, GOD? I DIDNT EVEN WANT TO GO INTO THIS ALREADY, I DISMISSED THE THOUGHT RMBR, NOW YOU CALLED ME INTO THIS, AND I PUT ALL MY HOPE IN THIS Y’KNOW? This whole time I didn’t even apply anywhere else because you assured me this was it. If you know me, I usually avoid being very confident in something so specific. Because there is always a 'but..', an uncertainty, and God’s thoughts are too complex for me so i dare not be so confident. but this one, I was really convinced because He was constantly speaking and assuring me about it. Maybe I haven’t quite fully expressed how exactly He spoke but I had sufficient confirmation to be that confident. AND YA, FIRST TIME SO CONFIDENT YOU DO THIS TO ME GOD?!  

It was so tough, I had so many questions unanswered, I really just didn’t know why He did what He did and He didn’t even explain. So I stopped reading His word, and distanced myself. I didn’t want to be that close anymore. I was just really annoyed and wanted a break from Him (HAHAHA, suddenly feels like I was dating). 

But those instagrammers and pastors on Facebook still kept posting stuff that resonated with me. Even though I tried to distance myself, I honestly couldn’t run far. Then I started realising how evil the devil had been trying to break this relationship and got abit worried about drifting too far away. I told myself that it was ok not having my questions answered because that is what faith is. And I was willing to let Him teach me this lesson of faith. So I had my issues kinda settle and picked up another book to read again. This time it was Pastor Steven Furtick’s ‘Greater’. IT WAS AWESOME. It really spoke to me. like literally the book was written only for me. and he was right beside me to tell me that. it was amazing. I wanted to highlight the whole book and tweet every single word. He talked about unanswered prayers, about faith, greater plans and calling etc. 

Slowly, I started the whole job search again and had so many rejections (i consider no replies as rejection too) that I really was so tired. and worst was that I couldn’t even apply much cause most wanted experienced applicants ugh. Initially i couldn’t even go for many interviews but God slowly opened doors after I came back from Europe. & I usually apply to companies that are reputable or I have interest in because I didn’t want to settle for something less, so I was really happy when the calls came. 

One Saturday Doreen suddenly thought of me and texted to check how i was. I didn’t really tell her much about how I felt this whole time. 

"I just wanted to tell you thaaaat I believe you would find one that fits all the criteria you've set out, even those you think may be hard to get. But our God is a God of miracles, of impossibles. And i feel like it's even gonna be one that I'll envy hahaha. Continue to trust in his timing and his plans. Enjoy this process, of allowing him to sort out the path ahead of you :)"

I really trust that God was speaking because of the randomness of the message - I've felt the Holy Spirit's prompt to communicate something to someone before too. It's always very awkward and out of the blue (although we still need to discern too). I kept thinking about what she said regarding me getting a job that she’s gonna envy…. Like what can be so envious? the positions and companies that have gotten back so far are quite mediocre. maybe some employee benefits may be quite envious? I don’t know. but whatever. ok, i also hope it will be something people are envious of. 

2 weeks later, i went for a 2nd interview that I was really confident in because 1st one went super well and they said they liked me. But the 2nd one turned out so disappointing. I met with the higher mgmt and she didn’t like that i had no experience and look too soft spoken. was really pissed, like srsly i had enough of such comments……….. that’s a fact and opinion that i have no control at all, I can’t help that I’m young and have no experience, and i look too gentle….. So anyway, I was really upset and wanted to have yoghurt right after. went llaollao and suddenly had 2 calls for interview. 

It was so crazy how God comforts. I truly believe that it was God’s divine timing, uplifting me right after a disappointing interview. I got a shock for one of the call cause I really didn’t expect that I would get a call for that.

When I went for the interview for the position I didn’t expect to get a call for, all I wanted was to enjoy the whole experience. I was so thankful just for the opportunity. Went in together with so many applicants (was a bit bumped) and during the interview, I felt like I didn’t sufficiently express how much I really want the position, I also got the same comment that I was too gentle….. and the applicant before me took 30mins whereas mine lasted only 10mins - 5mins into the interview they already asked me if I had any other questions 😔 

Long story short, I really felt like i didn’t do well and was gonna fail another interview. Super moody after this one. I even tweeted something I was really frustrated about. But the day after, I got the call for the 2nd interview. omg?! But didn’t want to have too high hopes cause I failed the 2nd interview the last time anyway. Cant be too sure. Went down and met upper mgmt, and she told me the 2 ladies that interviewed me told her she needed to meet me because she would like me. omg………………………….. when I heard that i nearly broke down……… God, You really amaze me all the time. Just when I thought they hate me for looking too gentle, just when I thought I haven’t sufficiently fight hard enough, just when I thought my session was too short and I have very low chance, I actually won their hearts :’) I was so surprised I had such a hard time breathing, really couldn’t believe it. And this was really something someone will really be envious of. Even I feel so privileged for the opportunity. 

Advices from my learnings and experiences

Advice #01: Do not settle for something less than you deserve, Don’t get impatient

I believe you're meant for more. I know for sure God has more in stored for you. Wherever God has called, get all the confirmation you need, and go because that must be the best for you. Burn the plows like Elisha when God called. Stop rationalising, stop procrastinating, even though there are some question marks and you don’t fully understand, even if it's an unpopular decision. When God speaks and you have all the confirmation and support, God will supernaturally provide. Trust me, rather, Trust God. 

Don’t settle for something you don’t even see yourself doing in the long term and just earn an income out of it. God loves you more than that and He gives His children gifts. Do what you’re good at, what you love. 

Hang in there because you can be sure that the sweet comes after the bitter. 

Advice #02 Hang in there, despite the disappointments, social pressure, and impatience

When you send out your resumes to companies, it's gonna be so tedious. You're gonna have to draft cover letters and manually fill up pages of details on job portal. It sounds like nothing much. But when you do it 10 times or more, it's gonna get to you. And there will be times when you feel like just quitting because just it's too mentally draining.

There will be times when all job openings are for experienced applicants. There will be times when you’ve done so much and companies can’t be bothered to respond and you feel like all that effort has gone to waste.. Times when you get excited for an interview and all hopeful but then interviewers do not appreciate you (YOU ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED, RMBR THAT). Times when you pass round 1 but fail round 2, times when you feel like you haven’t tried hard enough to persuade or you’re not given a chance to express yourself to make them like you, when expectations are too high, when job scope doesn’t fit what you’re looking out for…. 

God knows the littlest things in your heart. Have faith, trust in Him, and you can take my word for it - that God makes no mistakes and He only wants the best for you, nothing less. He knows the desires of your heart and He considers every single one of them. If opportunities pass, take it lightly and learn something out of it. If it’s something dear to you, grieve, and get back up again. 

Psalm 139 "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast….."

It's gonna be a tough and long wait till you find something that you’re willing to commit to… but take heart and dont get impatient about it. Because great things are coming your way. 

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 NLT

Everyone’s walk is different. But maybe when you read this, you might be at your lowest. You might have faced several rejections and disappointments, several insensitive comments from people around and it’s hard to listen and believe. But know that the Lord our God is still chasing after you and He won’t let you run away. Throw a fit, complain, and cry it all out to Him, then promise me to open your heart up again to Him and ask Him what’s next.

Choose to ignore insensitive comments, don’t fight them. You have too little energy left to justify your reasons.  

Advice #03 Make sure you have your spiritual support

Spiritual support is SO important and I can’t emphasise enough how much it helps. Prayer warriors who fight this whole journey with you, people you can share and be vulnerable with. Look for people that have been through, done that, people that understand and have your back. Do whatever you need to be fed and grow. Pray, pray, and pray. Read, read, and read. Because that’s when you hear His voice. That’s where you get your confirmations. That’s when He reveals.

Advice #04 Christian life is not easy, but it's worth it
People always talk about the blessings they receive and not talk about the challenges and struggles they face. I mean, I do that too, because who likes to show they have been rejected? they've failed? Christian walk is so tough, because the devil just wants to get in the way all the time. When you get close to God, the devil comes in to test you. 

So you might wonder if it's so tough, why walk this path? Because we know that it's gonna be worth it. "The sweet will come after the bitter". You'll get stronger and wiser. Like exercising, it's always super tough but you grow and you get stronger. It's only when you struggle and push your limits, you know you will get rewarded. If you keep exercising the same routine, you know that you're gonna get used to it and you're gonna stay the same. So exercising your faith helps you grow.

p.s. abit messy and haphazard but i hope I covered most stuff. The more I speak about this, the more details I tend to lose... so even this testimony is an understatement of what i've been through. the good and the bad was probably 10 times worse. 

I really wanted to draft this for my future children.... But I think I will work hard to be there for them to tell them what they need to hear and support them in every area.