Not trying to boast, but I've heard a lot of flatter but I never really understood them.
To me, looking like a Eurasian is a flatter. Because let's face it, people who are mixed look so good. But I've never understood why I look like Eurasian. It became an identity that "I am" because people tell me so. I never really seen it for myself and agreed to it.
I've also had people tell me my eyes are big and pretty. But to me, they're so average? what does pretty eyes look like even? Dont understand, never understood. But ok, if you say so? Never really thought it looks big too? Arent all your eyes equally 'big'?
I never felt I was fair until very recently. I was shocked by how fair I really am when I realised. No wonder that's what people think of me when they see me. I really am WHITE.
Some say sharp nose? very average too. I dont get it.
I've never really acknowledged these features before and I feel like I'm a completely different identity to what people think/view me as. I feel so average and so girl next door sometimes.
But what I really want to say is that I'm not attached not because I feel "too pretty" or anything. I guess I have more insecurities than anyone else, I have more considerations, I have more worries. I may have interest in someone for a moment and completely pull myself out from the feeling the next moment because I get frightened by my worries. I can't help being worried. I have visions for a long term relationship and when I feel that it may not work out in anyway, I pull myself out and prevent myself from falling too deep. I know I'm not giving myself and the other party a chance to try and work things out. I'm not even "trusting God' since he puts people in my life. But I'm so freaking scared sometimes. Maybe even paranoid, really. I have so many questions in my head "why would he like me?", "what if he likes what he sees in me but I really am not what he thinks I am?", "what if someone else better comes along?", "would daddy approve him?", "would he be a good father? how involved would he be?" I seriously even think, what kind of parenting style will this guy go for? I seriously go nuts. No joke.
#maybeforeveralone
To me, looking like a Eurasian is a flatter. Because let's face it, people who are mixed look so good. But I've never understood why I look like Eurasian. It became an identity that "I am" because people tell me so. I never really seen it for myself and agreed to it.
I've also had people tell me my eyes are big and pretty. But to me, they're so average? what does pretty eyes look like even? Dont understand, never understood. But ok, if you say so? Never really thought it looks big too? Arent all your eyes equally 'big'?
I never felt I was fair until very recently. I was shocked by how fair I really am when I realised. No wonder that's what people think of me when they see me. I really am WHITE.
Some say sharp nose? very average too. I dont get it.
I've never really acknowledged these features before and I feel like I'm a completely different identity to what people think/view me as. I feel so average and so girl next door sometimes.
But what I really want to say is that I'm not attached not because I feel "too pretty" or anything. I guess I have more insecurities than anyone else, I have more considerations, I have more worries. I may have interest in someone for a moment and completely pull myself out from the feeling the next moment because I get frightened by my worries. I can't help being worried. I have visions for a long term relationship and when I feel that it may not work out in anyway, I pull myself out and prevent myself from falling too deep. I know I'm not giving myself and the other party a chance to try and work things out. I'm not even "trusting God' since he puts people in my life. But I'm so freaking scared sometimes. Maybe even paranoid, really. I have so many questions in my head "why would he like me?", "what if he likes what he sees in me but I really am not what he thinks I am?", "what if someone else better comes along?", "would daddy approve him?", "would he be a good father? how involved would he be?" I seriously even think, what kind of parenting style will this guy go for? I seriously go nuts. No joke.
#maybeforeveralone
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